35 Comments
User's avatar
Geoff Anderson's avatar

In-N-Out is definitely mid at best. Spot on!

Expand full comment
Jeff Nunnally's avatar

Every one of these opinions are on point. Barbecue in general sucks. SATX may be the best city in TX. Austin #1? That may be nostalgia talking. $40 BBQ is an Austin phenomenon. And the weird influx of CA Republicans buying F-150s and demanding In & Out hasn't really affected SATX. Maybe if we rename Austin E. San Jose you'll see the light.

Blue Bell is like the 41st best ice cream available at HEB. Such a weird thing to avow loyalty, like American Cheese. Or In & Out Burger.

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

You may be ranking Blue Bell too high.

Expand full comment
Dr. Fake Smile's avatar

Came prepared to hate, left in total agreement.

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

My work here is done

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

Oh, and about the pickup trucks? Automatic towing and scrapping for every pickup driver who backs into the space with a trailer hitch so long that the whole hood of the truck hangs out into traffic. Double if the jackass backs into a compact car slot. (Without fail, I get stuck in parking lanes with one of these jackasses jammed in as close to the front as possible, as if walking any further might abrade the driver’s sole testicle. Get two of them parking across from each other in the Palmer Event Center parking garage, and you’re lucky to get a bicycle passing between them…and they’re always loudly butthurt when they’re asked to move so that other traffic can get to the next level.)

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

It's a mood, man

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

When the first Blue Bell listeria incident made the news, the musician Barry Kooda had a sorta contest for new Blue Bell flavors taking into account the company’s quality control. I’m still proud of “Hershey Squirt.”

Expand full comment
Melinda Belles's avatar

Every time I see Blue Bell or hear someone waxing on about it I remember reading that the novelties production line had air conditioner runoff dripping on it.

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

Yummy

Expand full comment
Jennifer Jackson's avatar

ALL OF THIS 💯💯💯💯💯

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

Thank you kindly.

Expand full comment
Shannon's avatar

God damn it’s nice to hear someone with some sense about everything but the number 1 city. But Creamy Creations is lit and I’ve never said that out loud before.

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

Austin is #1. I'm sorry that you had to find out this way.

Expand full comment
Jeff K's avatar

5, 3, and 1 are spot on. The best ice cream easily found at the grocery store is Tillamook.

In n Out is fine. You have to order the fries extra crispy

I can get behind SA as the 2nd best city but no way Austin is number 1. Hard pass.

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

My final tally is 5 for 5.

Expand full comment
Rachel's avatar

In n Out fries are an abomination

Expand full comment
Shannon's avatar

I can’t even eat them, they tear up my stomach, which across all manner of garbage food without complaint😂

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

TERRIFYING

Expand full comment
Frank Dunn's avatar

No notes

Expand full comment
Frank Dunn's avatar

Also I defy anyone to be more Texan than me

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

Your floor is top 32 Million

Expand full comment
vonelle's avatar

allow me the honor of foregoing the cigarette and blindfoldd and joining you at the wall on every word of this

Expand full comment
KLevinson's avatar

Omg, this is a classic!!! Every word is true!😂😂😂

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

50% off all toll lane overbilling for you for a month.

Expand full comment
KLevinson's avatar

Oh thank you, Evil overlord!

Expand full comment
Ryan Puzycki's avatar

Re #4, I just visited Fort Worth for the first time a couple weeks ago and had the same reaction. I wrote about it here, if interested: https://www.ryanpuzycki.com/p/the-ghost-town-in-downtown-cowtown

Agreed basically on the rest. One of the only things I miss about California, other than the weather, was the Tillamook ice cream. In-N-Out is an abomination.

Expand full comment
SpringTexan's avatar

I actually like Fort Worth. But not as much as San Antonio!! I think it may be better than Austin, even though I live in Austin. Austin is overrated, and SA is underrated.

I heard someone say: "Dallas is the New York of Texas, Houston is the Chicago of Texas, Austin is the California of Texas, and San Antonio is the Texas of Texas."

Expand full comment
Ryan Puzycki's avatar

I liked FW, too, but the downtown has a lot of untapped potential and it was just really surprising to see a place that looked so nice be so devoid of life. As for Austin, it might be overrated, but I think the San Francisco/California connection is overplayed, too. The tech scene's rises and falls dominate the discourse, but there's a lot more going on here!

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

One can walk three blocks in the middle of the day in downtown Ft. Worth and not encounter another human. This isn't inherently horrible, but serves as a reminder that Ft. Worth's recent hype and population surges are very suburban

Expand full comment
Ryan Puzycki's avatar

100%

Expand full comment
Meg Reid's avatar

Obama FTW

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

Thanks, Obama

Expand full comment
Michael Moran's avatar

Well we both must be unpopular, because I agree with every single opinion 🙏

Expand full comment
Evil MoPac's avatar

High IQ

Expand full comment