My Five Unpopular Texas Opinions
You may not like them, but accept them
While I have plenty of criticisms when it comes to Texas (and deservedly so), there are definitely a few popular Lone Star State-related takes where I’m a notable outlier.
While opinions are like assholes—assholes have a lot of bad opinions—I feel pretty strongly that there is some objective truth to be found in my off-the-main-road takes.
So, let’s examine these as a group to see what (and how much) merit they have.
5. Blue Bell Ice Cream is Wildly Overrated: While many of us were raised to believe in our heart that this Brenham, Texas-based confectionery is some wildly delicious gold standard for cold, creamy treats, the reality is that the brand has fallen off mightily.
I’d argue the drop began before the 2010s when a horrifying and deadly listeria outbreak and its associated corporate malfeasance resulting in criminal charges put a bleak stain on the brand. But the bottom line is that in 2025 the product simply isn’t what it used to be. HEB’s own Creamy Creations line is not only better but cheaper. If you crave nostalgia, leave Blue Bell in the freezer and visit The Alamo. Speaking of which…
4. San Antonio is Texas’ Second Best City: This is, of course, highly subjective, but I feel very confident that the perception of the top cities in Texas far too often focus on Austin (the best one), Dallas, Houston, and, for some perplexing reason, Ft. Worth and its ghost town of a city center, and forget about San Antonio. I’m here to call bullshit. Yes, SA lacks the shiny new condos and saturation of trendy restaurants and gleaming glass high rises of Texas’ other big cities (and can feel a bit rough and dated if you’re not looking closely), but the simple truth is that it’s a total gem.
The food scene is outstanding, the city is deeply steeped in history and culture beyond The Alamo mythos if you’re willing to leave your car, and The Pearl is an incredibly cool destination. I’ve been hard on the Riverwalk from time to time, and some of it is valid, but the reality is that it’s pretty fantastic and there’s nothing even close to it anywhere else in Texas. Add on the Spurs and a thriving arts and concert scene and it becomes clear that San Antonio is Texas’ underappreciated jewel.
3. Ultra-Expensive BBQ is Over-hyped Yes, I’ll admit that I’ve mined the bougie BBQ thing for a few jokes over the years, but there are definitely some fundamental truths underpinning the humor.
Places like Franklin, Leroy and Lewis, and their ilk serve some incredible BBQ, that much I can admit. But the simple fact is that a buttload of places in Texas have very good BBQ and the difference between very good BBQ and incredible BBQ is tricky for the average person to ascertain.
So, paying a hefty premium for a vibe and waiting in a hellishly long line posting IG stories as if it’s some weird, Herculean test is a choice, but certainly not one steeped in logic. Shelling out $40/LB for brisket after waiting for over an hour is objectively hilarious when you can grab it for $27-$34/LB and be eating in 10 minutes.
2. In-N-Out is Cartoonishly Awful: This one feels odd to have on the list since it’s a quintessential California brand. But over the last 10 years, Texans (or at least ex-Cali folk) have deeply embraced it, leading to a number of new locations across the Lone Star State.
I won’t belabor the point here. In-N-Out is some decidedly mid shit. The burgers are passable, I suppose, and the prices are relatively good. But the fries are, to quote many a poet, ass. Like, inedible. Cold, chewy, and tasteless. Pure brutality. I can’t fathom the affliction that has so many of y’all convinced that this place is good. It’s not. I’m trying to help you. Have some self-respect and run, don’t walk, away from this subpar burger stand. You can do so much better.
1. You Really Don’t Need That Pickup Truck: This started as a meme on my socials but the longer I have thought about it, the more certain I am that these trucks represent some weird affliction—mostly for 30+ year old men who don’t use the vehicle’s bed for anything more than a few occasional bags of mulch.
“I just moved to [Insert Austin Suburb Here] from [Insert California or Midwestern city here], so I need an F-150” seems, to many, like a prime directive that can’t be ignored.
Look, if you work at building sites or live on a ranch, I get it. These vehicles are fantastic haulers which definitely have an important place in the people/stuff mover ecosystem. But if your biggest load is an HEB pickup in Circle C, you’re really just cosplaying. It’s only made worse when you weirdly insist on backing it into every parking spot. JFC, dude, who hurt you?
To those special few who lift these vehicles and/or add coal rollers: Penis pumps are only 1% of the cost of those mods. What are y’all doing?
Obama FTW
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