The Most Godawful Thanksgiving Foods, Ranked

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What the actual fuck, bro? (Photo: WCPO)

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. This might warm your cockles or make your blood run cold, depending on the relationship you have with family and friends.

But the universal truth that binds this holiday to our collective hearts is food.

And one element of said food that perks up my proverbial ears is the horrific shit that nobody has the guts to simply admit that everyone despises. With all of the hate floating around America presently, this is a bit hard to believe.

So, while it might not get you out of having to choke down a rancid plate of Aunt Millie’s Sahara stuffing, hopefully this list lets you know that you’re seen and not alone.

6. Jello: If it’s in the form of a shot, it gets a grudging pass. Otherwise, what the fuck are we even doing here? Unless you’re six years old and/or in prison, this hell-spawned foodstuff should never befoul your table. Do better. Rating: 2.75/10.

N to the ope. (Photo: Joy in Every Season)

5. Stuffing: It’s not so much that it tastes awful, since it’s generally bland and nondescript. It’s more the fact that it’s just basically mushed up bread-stuffs and nobody’s quite sure why the hell it exists. It doesn’t look good. It smells like mutilated bread. As noted, it’s starchy calories de-tangled from the joys of being either savory or good for you. It’s, somehow, both moist and dry at the same time—a culinary wasteland created, no doubt, in the throes of some poor harvest long ago to help ensure survival. We’re better than this, aren’t we? Rating: 2.5/10.

Famine food (Photo: NPR)