My November Haikus Are Here And Just in Time

An emotional life raft for your aching souls

Look, I’m not going to pretend that things are great right now.

Austin just experienced its hottest and second driest October on record, Texas Zodiac got six more years, and our fine nation has seen fit to elect a clinical narcissist felon sex offender sociopath Putin nutslurper, so…yeah.

But perhaps I can offer just a bit of healing in the form of my Travis County-famous Haikus.

Take my hand and we’ll make it, I swear.

“Big Nut November”

Maddow said she’d win.

But Orange Satan got it done.

Thanks a load, Elon.

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“Austin Driver”

You have a license.

Yet drive like a blind taintlord.

Who the fuck hurt you?

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“Hell, Texas”

92 today.

In goddamn November, son.

Threw my coat away.

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“Swinger Solitude”

Key Party Friday.

Steiner is cooking so hard.

So why am I sad?

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“Rivalry Game”

The Horns are great now.

But the Aggies might beat them.

Please sweet Jesus, no.

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“Post Election Date Night”

We need to move on.

So let’s go and hit the town.

And bitch about Trump.

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More horrifying than the scenario laid out in the Haiku

“Pedal-Bar Sadness”

Austin Bachelorette.

Pedal-Bar bride just fell off.

They left her behind.

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“Dirty 6th”

Dirty 6th tonight.

Sodom and Gomorrah time.

Drive by cock piercing.

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“Texas Father-in-Law”

“Trump won, the bitch lost!”

Pops can’t stop fucking gloating.

But Pops is dead soon.

***