I Ranked Texas Big Cities From Worst to Best

Highly subjective and also 100% correct

There are many city rankings out there that feature a strict adherence to quaint concepts like objective data. They’re boring, predictable, and almost uniformly lame.

Then there’s this one, which puts its full faith and credit into feelings, instinct, and often completely anecdotal facts. For my money, that’s the sweet spot.

So, I’m going to rank Texas’ best big cities here from the bottom to the top. To be considered, I’m going with the arbitrary population number of 500,000. Spoiler alert: that leaves us with a final six.

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6. Ft. Worth aka Ft. Worthless (Population 1,008,106)

I struggled a bit with ranking this boring hellhole that I once called “Dallas’ Uncle Eddie” (going back and forth with my #5 city) but eventually settled on the bottom.

It’s a strip mall city, whose biggest draw is place called “The Stockyards”—an oddly expensive cosplay tourist trap that will have you smelling like cattle shit and bad fajitas for three days after visiting.

Lately we’re hearing the classic “we’re good because our population is up” argument for why Ft. Worth matters—it even had more people than Austin for a while in 2024/25—but this can largely be explained by adding a huge torrent of marginal tract homes to cheap land near major highways nowhere near the city center.

Its downtown area, while pleasant, is generally a ghost town, and there simply isn’t much that’s quaint or nice here. It’s a strip mall city, whose biggest draw is place called “The Stockyards”—an oddly expensive cosplay tourist trap that will have you smelling like cattle shit and bad fajitas for three days after visiting. If you got semi-erect about watching Kid Rock at the Super Bowl halftime instead of Bad Bunny, the Stockyards just might be for you. Score: 3.5/10

5. Dallas aka Ft. Worth’s Rich, Asshole Cousin (Population 1,326,087)

You can visit Dallas anytime you like, but why?

There is a culture in Dallas, sure. But certainly not one you’d actually want to call your own.

It’s a neon Applebee’s with cowboy boots on. The parks-starved downtown sucks, roads are full of oversize truck/SUV drivers with undersized dicks, it’s oddly expensive, it features colleges full of 105 IQ rich kids who couldn’t get into UT or A&M, many of its burbs are MAGA training academies, and it even has the Cowboys. There is a culture in Dallas, sure. But certainly not one you’d actually want to call your own.

Yes, some significant things have happened here, like the JFK assassination and, um, I’ll get back to you on that. This city totally blows and not in a good way: Score 4.0/10.

4. Houston aka Oily Concrete Swamp (Population 2,390,125)

Yes, it’s ranked higher than Dallas, but Houstonians shouldn’t let it go to their heads. That’s like saying your McDonald’s was amazing because it wasn’t rancid sludge from a rendering plant. If you’ve never been passed by a Ram 1500 going 84 on the shoulder, have you really visited Houston?

It’s preposterously hot and humid, lacks a discernible vibe given that everything is connected by massive highways thanks (in part) to a longstanding aversion to meaningful city planning/zoning so many places feel like rest stops rather than distinct neighborhoods, and the drivers are probably the worst in Texas.

If you’ve never been passed by a Ram 1500 going 84 on the shoulder, have you really visited Houston?

On the positive side, the food scene is very good, it attracts a lot of world-class entertainment and sporting events, and the people tend to be cooler and less pretentious than those in north Texas. Take what you can get, I guess. Score: 5.5/10.

3. El Paso aka The Paso (Population 681,723)

While it’s not particularly well-regarded, popular, or pop-culturally significant, I like 2026 El Paso.

There were signs

This criminally underrated city is affordable, relatively safe, and has some of the best food in a state full to the brim with amazing cuisine. It also features elite natural beauty, close to things that places that Dallas and Austin require a complex trip to reach, like White Sands National Park.

This criminally underrated city is affordable, relatively safe, and has some of the best food in a state full to the brim with amazing cuisine.

While not perfect, it’s really impressive. Score: 7/10.

2. San Antonio aka Riverwalkistan (Population 1,526,656)

Look, I give San Antonio a lot of shit. I talk about it being known for its Tiny Fort (Alamo) and Strip Mall by a Dirty River (Riverwalk), but if we’re being real, it’s a pretty cool city with a ton of culture and history to offer.

As advertised.

Let me address the elephant in the room: yes, it has better breakfast tacos and Tex-Mex than Austin, and I’m not sure how close it is if we’re being totally honest. While not as flashy as its shinier younger brother up I-35, San Antonio’s food scene is amazing.

Let me address the elephant in the room: yes, it has better breakfast tacos and Tex-Mex than Austin, and I’m not sure how close it is if we’re being totally honest.

Paired with its impressive parks, interesting/lively “scene” (The Pearl is awesome), relativity affordable housing, pro sports, and sprawling recreational opportunities, it’s easy to imagine wanting to visit if not put roots down here. Score: 7.5/10.

1. Austin aka You Knew it Was Winning (Population: 1,054,000)

No big shocker. While it can fairly be said that some of this is home cooking, the reasons Austin sits in this lofty perch are numerous. It’s good in so many areas.

The music and arts scene, sports, food, crime rate (it’s low for a big city, people, despite what your Texas father-in-law says), and vibes are all really robust. Add in physical beauty, better traffic than a couple of the other big boys, and relative affordability and now you’re cooking with fire.

You can walk for 10 minutes from the most dense and bustling parts of downtown and suddenly find yourself on a bucolic nature trail and not think anything of it.

No, it’s not perfect. It’s getting more and more expensive, its schools and infrastructure have been better (so traffic is headed in the wrong direction), and it has been losing some of its classic Austin culture for years. But what Texas big city aren’t these all happening in?

You can walk for 10 minutes from the most dense and bustling parts of downtown and suddenly find yourself on a bucolic nature trail and not think anything of it.

No, it’s not 2006 Austin anymore, but 2026 Austin is still easily the king of Texas big cities. Score: 8.5/10.