Holiday Haikus to Warm The Cockles of Your Heart

This is the good stuff, y'all!

Christmas is nigh, so it’s the perfect time for the next chapter in my perpetual, inexorable series of Haiku posts.

So grab your eggnog, a plate of fat/sugar-drenched cookies, and settle in for three of the best minutes you’ll have during the holidays. (That’s what she said.)

***

“In-Laws Hades”

Shit, they’re back again.

Judgy assbags, Ted and Grace.

Kill me right now, please.

***

“Loaded on Christmas”

It’s that time for sure.

The whole family is here.

And I’m blasted, y’all!

***

“11th Hour”

Gifts are important.

Last minute gifts are divine.

Huge thank you, Walgreens!

***

“Playoff Payoff”

This is all I want.

A Horns crown would be awesome.

But please start Manning.

***

“A Steiner Ranch X-Mas”

Today is the day.

Bob and Jane and Dave and Rose.

Sweaty quadrangle!

***

“Pretending”

Oh, that’s amazing.

A lovely pewter lint brush.

How could you have known?

***

“A Die Hard Christmas”

It’s a Christmas film.

Hans Gruber is Scrooge himself.

John McClain? Santa!

***

“An Elon Musk Christmas”

What should Elon get?

I’m wracking my brain right now.

A kick to the nads!

***

“A Present for Her”

This was a secret.

Even from you, my sweet love.

I got Viagra!

***

“Yuletide Austin”

Christmas in Austin!

So packed, guess I’ll just stay home.

No 12 buck tacos.

***

Have an awesome holiday season no matter how you celebrate! Love, Evil M.