HEB's Clearance Rack: The Seedy Underbelly of a Texas Icon
An unflinching glimpse into the popular grocer's heart of darkness
There are few things in life more subtly soul-affirming than a leisurely sojourn to an HEB. It’s a comforting, bountiful laboratory for 2025 Texas society, whether you’re trying to divine shopping behaviors in a panic situation, see what’s trendy in the suburbs, or simply gain some insight into what humans are buying in the normal course of living their lives.
But there’s one place at the venerated grocery chain that serves as a frightening window into the lost and forgotten. A dimply-lit abyss where most fear to tread.
The clearance area.
So, while I’ve surely undertaken more noble deep dives in my time on this platform, today’s photo essay exposé on the HEB Clearance Rack is sure to satisfy. What exactly, I’m unclear on. But it will damn well satisfy something.
Let’s get started.
Endurance Sex Wipes For Men Who Actually Think Their Partner Wants Them To Last Longer
Fall Y’all Scent Candles: Smells Like A Paris Brothel In Autumn!
It’s Enema Time, Y’all!!!
Blatantly Fake Eyelashes, Because Of Course
Fertility Test That Somehow Increases Your Chances Of Being Pregnant?!
Personal Lubricant? More Like Personal LubriCAN!" (Not Pictured: Impersonal Lubricant)
Scrub Mommy. How Very Steiner Ranch
Goat Baby Formula For The Most Insufferable New Parents You Know
Speaking Of Goats, here’s The GOAT: Vagisil!
Sexy Compression Socks? Yes, please!
Stem Cell Eye Lifter At Half Off? Totally Doesn’t Reek Of Desperation
The Silence of The Lambskin
Scarred for life 🫨
"Impersonal lubricant" 😆