As New Year’s Eve madness swallows us today/tonight, it’s the perfect time for Part II of my seminal series on resolutions Austin is making for 2025. Part I set the bar high, so let’s lower it a bit now, shall we?
Chill on Explosives And/Or Gunshots: I get it, the shitty year is ending and a new, almost certainly shittier one is beginning so you want to celebrate. I’m 100% down with that. But firing off rounds of artillery—whether from guns or fireworks—isn’t nearly as cool as you think it is. There’s a certain power inherent in these dangerous activities, but it comes with several negative externalities that the average 89 IQs who perpetrate them rarely consider: it’s dangerous, annoying, robs time from law enforcement, terrorizes pets, and starts fires. So chug some decent champagne and try being normal people just this once.
Be Nicer: Yes, this is Texas not Canada, but one of the defining features of Austin used to be that, on the balance, its people were cool. Not cool cool, but chill cool. The kind of citizenry that reflexively gives a wave after being allowed to merge or has the kind heart not to park across three parking spots so their pickup truck won’t get dinged. Some of Austin’s recent descent into dickery is reflective of society generally becoming more divisive and colder, but this feels like something extra. So, whether you got to Austin in 1989 or 2024, please step up your kindness game a bit. It’s a good thing, y’all!
Laugh at Life and Yourself: This is a spiritual sibling to the previous one and can go a long way towards making life in Austin more fun and less stressful. This city’s traditional free and artsy spirit seems to be in much shorter supply these days and it’s worth the effort to take things a bit less seriously. Yes, not moving forward for a few seconds after a light turns green is a bit annoying, but it most definitely does not warrant a five-second-long horn blast and associated meltdown. The ability to be relaxed about daily annoyances is a worthy goal, and leaning into the humor surrounding them can be cathartic. It’s the entire reason I started my Twitter account in 2016. A horrible, stressful traffic jam prompted me to channel my anger into something that has been (at times) fun. I’m not suggesting that creating an anthropomorphic social media personality is for everyone, but life offers a rich smorgasbord of choices and it’s healthier to pick one that doesn’t make your stress worse. We’re all kind of ridiculous. Embrace this.
Get Outside of Your Comfort Zone: Okay, now we’re getting serious. Look, I know as much as anyone how easy it is to settle into a routine. It’s a coping mechanism. But Austin is a truly elite spot to experience new places, people, and flavors. Leave the friendly confines of Central Austin brunches to take in a Sunset Valley farmer’s market or skip your Circle C pickleball Saturday to chill in a grimy dive bar. It’s really easy to get into a rut so make efforts to break out of yours. Now, I’m not suggesting that it’s a wise idea to wriggle free from the bounds of your staid marriage by embracing the sweaty carnality of a Steiner Ranch swinger party. But surely you can find an alternative that scratches the itch for something different without resorting to having awkward sex with a flabby 50-year-old accountant that you just met. I believe in you.
Here’s to a happy, healthy 2025, or at least give it your best shot!
also combat veterans (and others) with ptsd would appreciate that folks tap the breaks on firing weapons tonight -- and every night for that matter. Peace out.
My hood has turned into a war zone on NYE and 4th of July. Anyone complaining about prices of food, fuel, rent, or other items who just spent $1500 on fireworks is just outta line, and should STFU.